For the past 6 years I have done the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life, harder then basic training, harder than breaking my legs. I have been quietly working on healing my mind and becoming the best version of me that is possible. I needed help, so I asked for it. The help I received was tremendous; I was given the opportunity to work a program and learn how to heal.<\/p>\n
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Was this something I was excited to work on? No, it was honestly hell, it was hard, it was raw, it was painful, there were MANY times I wanted to say forget it, I wanted to say enough is enough, I wanted to say no this isn\u2019t going to be worth it in the end, there were even times I was determined that this was causing more damage than healing. However, I did not give up, I worked so hard, learned so much, opened up, worked through each thing I needed to work on. I learned tools that I can draw on whenever there might be a need, I learned how to identify and accept what I can\u2019t control and what I can. I was able to learn, process and re-wire the brain to separate memories from emotions.<\/p>\n
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This journey has sucked to be honest, but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat knowing that the \u201clight at the end of the tunnel\u201d is so wonderful, I am absolutely loving the woman I have become. Through the process I went from denying any diagnoses, to accepting it, I went from scared and angry to feeling free and happy, I went from feeling lost and confused to being found and know what is going on, from allowing (sometimes not knowing it was happening) people to control or manipulate me to setting strong boundaries and sticking to them.<\/p>\n
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Today I had my last session and said goodbye to the woman who has been in my corner all these years, she has been there through every step no matter how big or tiny it was, through the highs and lows, through the tears and laughter. She has taught me the tools I needed, has rooted for me when I was doing great and gave me the biggest kick in the butt when I wasn\u2019t. The chair in her office went from thinking \u201cugh, here we go again\u201d to becoming a safe spot, it became the chair I knew I could sit in and really work hard. Now I won\u2019t be sitting in that chair anymore, I won\u2019t be going to her office anymore, does it scare me? A little bit yes, though I will always hear her voice in my head when a situation comes up. THANK YOU so much for not giving up on me, for helping and watching me heal and grow into the person I am today. You are amazing.<\/p>\n
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6 years ago would I have ever thought that I would be the woman I am today? No. I have overcome fears, overcome emotions, overcome negativity, I have built up myself and healed my mind. This is something I will be \u201cdealing\u201d with for the rest of my life, one is never cured of it, however with the proper tools, trusting the process, I can conquer anything.<\/p>\n
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Usually I don\u2019t share things in my life that are serious, and very personal, however I really feel that I want to share this with you, if you feel you need help please do not be afraid to seek it out. I won\u2019t tell you it is easy, it is NOT easy, it will be a lot of work, a lot of raw, A LOT of tears a lot of learning to trust the people in your corner, and a lot of hard work in the program that is right for you. Let me tell you though, the other end, and boy do I ever tell you, the other end is WONDERFUL! It is the best thing in the world, I absolutely love me and my mind now, and I would love for everyone to be able to work through what ever is needed and feel this wonderful on the other side.<\/p>\n
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I am not a professional, but I am able to help you find some professional help if you need it and are ready to ask for the help.<\/p>\n
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I love you all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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