No Words

The English language has 26 letters, those letters make up an estimated 171,146 words with an additional 47,156 obsolete words. These letters are used to teach, argue, laugh, tease, and tell stories. No matter the situation one can always put those 26 letters together to form what they are wanting to say, what they are thinking, and what they are expressing.  What if there is nothing to say, what if there is no way to put those 26 letters in any sort of order to say what you are feeling.

Growing up my mom has always had a dear bosom friend, she had three girls and my sister and myself spent most of our childhood summers on their farm, at the lake or at grandma and grandpa’s house. It was never moment, for example us girls would dress up in any kind of clothes we could find and make up games pretending to be someone that we thought resembled those clothes. We would get in trouble and take a discipline from either of the mothers.  My entire life has involved these three beautiful girls, who are family by choice not blood.

Sunday night the oldest girl of this family passed away due to complications caused by contracting the corona virus. Aged 40 she leaves behind 4 children and a multitude of family and friends.

Filled with sorrow and tears, I sit here and try to figure out a way to put those 26 letters into words that will bring comfort, peace, and serenity. Only to realize that there is no possible way to do that.  I could say I’m sorry for your loss, I could extend my condolences, I could say I’m here for you any time.  These of course, those are amazing things to tell someone, however to me it doesn’t express my heart.

I can’t express the ache in my heart, the pain of losing someone so close, the anger of this virus and how it brings out so many complications, that one may not even know they have, I’m filled with fear that more will take ill, I am distraught, in complete shock. If this is how I am feeling, then I cannot begin to fathom how my dear family of my friend is feeling.

No child should lose a sibling, no parent should lose a child, and no child should lose a parent before they are the ripe old age of 100.

There could be 1 million letters in the English alphabet and there would still be no way to form any words in this situation.

I hold this family in my heart, in my mind, surround my love, my strength, and be there for however and whatever is needed.

Being so far away is always hard, but I am so thankful for technology where I can, from a distance show love to my sister, my mother, and my family friends during this time.

It will never be the same without her, there will be no more adventures with her, or memories made.  We will now have to draw on the memories we already have of her and share them with each other to find the new normal going forth from here.

**This photo is one of many of use girls growing up. the girl who passed is on the far right.**